No, I won’t be riding the bear in the new Assassin’s Creed DLC

Eivor riding a bear that jumps over a small wall.

This is for illustration purposes ONLY.
Screenshot: Ubisoft / Kotaku

Another one Assassin’s Creed Valhalla The DLC still means a wacky new animal mount that my Viking warrior can ride. This time it’s a bear. Once again, Ubisoft tempts me to ride a historically inaccurate giant animal. I firmly said no to the giant wolf in 2020. Earlier this year, I also spent riding the weird and bumpy giant cat which was added with the The wrath of the druids DLC. And now, once again, I have to put my foot down. No Ubisoft, I will not ride the giant bear … eeven though I really want to.

Yesterday, Paris siege, the second major expansion for Assassin’s Creed Valhalla, has been released on all major platforms. Its good! I liked it a lot, although it has some unfortunate performance issues, with wobbly frame rates and screen tears that sometimes spoil the fun. And like before, after completing the first introductory mission in France, I found myself the new owner of a bear.

Ubisoft is getting old. First a wolf, then a giant cat, now a bear. Do you really think it will work? I’m strong, stupid, and dedicated, even for stupid things like that.

Once again, I’ll let Zack explain why I don’t ride these silly workhorses. Take it away!

It may sound like a strange line in the sand, but listen to me. The point is, while the franchise has added more mystical and fantastical elements, I’ve always managed to find a way to make it work in my head. Of course, in Assassin’s Creed Odyssey you can fight a minotaur. But maybe it was just a story that was told so much that it became a memory. Remember that the way these games work goes through the Animus, itself a weird science that is more magical than logical. The Animus uses the DNA of people from the past to present their DNA memories to users. (It doesn’t really make sense.) Memories aren’t perfect. In fact, in the latter game, you can choose between a male or female Eivor as the Animus does not actually know the historical gender of the Eivor. So a myth that someone has heard all their life, something that might have appeared in their dreams, could contaminate their DNA memory.

But a big wolf bear that someone has ridden for years, using it to help fight wars and save people, something thousands of other people have seen, seems too far-fetched. The Animus might not be perfect, but getting the facts right isn’t that bad.

As always, perfectly said younger me. Good work. I will also add that it is strange how no one around Eivor reacts when she rides a bear or a giant cat. They all smile or try to kill you as usual. Nobody is going “Hey, look at that insanely big wolf!” It’s not normal ! In what world are we living !

Eivor riding a bear outside in the sun.

Screenshot: Ubisoft / Kotaku

Of course at this point after playing the game for over 120 hours I’m running with Thor’s hammer and Excalibur. Additionally, I am able to use magical abilities that allow me to slow down time or heal on the fly. So it’s probably weird that no one is yelling about all of this either, but let’s not try to punch holes in my weird hang-up, especially not right now. It’s much too late for that.

But if I have to be honest with you, dear reader, I am starting to feel like I am missing out on something. I see all these people out there riding their giant, absurd animals and they are having fun. I also want to have fun. I deserve a good t—

NO! I will not break. Not yet. You almost got me, Ubisoft and Assassin’s Creed. Although with news that the publisher intends to support Valhalla with more DLC next year, it is likely that my fight to never ride these unusual mounts is not over yet.

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